- 5 helpful tips on better boundary establishment for beginners.
- Boundaries are crucial in maintaining healthy relationships with ourselves and others.
Do you find it difficult to say no to others? Do you tend to please people although it makes you feel uncomfortable? Well, congratulations! You’ve earned yourself a PhD in Poor Boundary Establishment.
Well, personal boundaries are really important to keep our mental and emotional health in check. If you don’t stand up for yourself, who will? Sometimes, we really want to give savage comebacks to those who cross their limits but then we just can’t bring ourselves to it.
So today, let us guide you with these tips on boundary establishment and make you realise what a difference it can make to your life;
Identify your desired boundary
Everyone’s version of boundaries is different. Maybe Jenny is okay with unsolicited advice like “Omg girl! You’ve put on weight, it’s time you start going to the gym”, but you aren’t. So, the first step to establishing boundaries is to recognise what is important to you.
Let’s say you value self-love, so that’s important to you. Once you differentiate constructive criticism and pure disrespect, that’s where you draw the line. Don’t bother listening to anyone who constantly has something negative to say about you.
You might need some time to figure out your desired boundaries, so go easy on yourself and simply ask yourself questions like “Am I okay with this?” and “Is this the best for my well-being”.
Communicate your feelings
If you’re not happy about how you’re being treated then it’s time you voice it out. No, your sweet Disney princess kind of tone is not going to work, you need to be more assertive. Process your feelings and put them into words.
Be honest, if you feel hurt, uncomfortable, or angry, say it out loud so people know it! If you suppress your feelings, you’re only giving people the opportunity to hurt you further. Once you put your feelings out there, you’ll be putting people back in line, where they’re supposed to be.
So start communicating your feelings, it will give your a clearer picture of what you want and what you don’t.
How many times have you tried explaining your boundaries to others to avoid offending them? Sometimes we feel like we owe others an explanation but do you know that we actually don’t?
Oops! Sometimes we’re even guilty of giving excuses, but that ends up in either guilt or simply more excuses. It’s about time we started being honest with ourselves and others. Let’s learn to keep it short and sweet with phrases like “no thanks” or “I’m sorry, I can’t”.
For starters, if your sister insists on having dinner together when you’re tired, say “No thanks”. Similarly, if your roommate demands that you help her with her laundry, say “I’m sorry, I’m busy”.
Pay attention to your instincts
‘My instincts are my ultimate guide’, this shall be our mantra until the day it rains cotton candy. Now, don’t you ever discount your gut instincts because they’re usually right.
When making decisions, we either feel a pleased ‘yes’ or a dreadful ‘ugh’. If you’re feeling content with your yes then go for it! However, if you’re half-hearted or uninterested in any situation then it means that you’re not comfortable with it.
You do you! Don’t force yourself into situations that you aren’t comfortable with just for the sake of pleasing others. In the end, people will only respect your boundaries when you respect them yourself.
Craft a VIP list
In case you haven’t realised, your life is not an open book, it’s more like a top-secret file. Not everyone around you needs to know what’s going on in your life nor should they have a say in it.
However, you will surely have a group of confidants that you love and trust, so these people are the VIPs of your life. But, make sure you give careful thought as to whom you put on that list because we wouldn’t want that to backfire!
If you tend to overshare personal information, it may threaten your personal boundaries. So this list will help you maintain your privacy and create a safe zone for yourself.
Well, many people do not realise the importance of personal boundaries, hence they do not practice them. We often feel upset over others’ behaviour towards us, but have you thought how different things would be if we would’ve established our boundaries then?
It’s never too late to put yourself first, start setting your boundaries bit by bit and you will definitely see its significance prevail. You can thank us later!
Everyone has had their boundaries intruded at some point. How did you feel when it happened to you? Did you do anything to change things? We’d love to hear from you, tell us in the comment section below.