It’s not selfish to give yourself a break!

By Demie Makamache / 12 May 2023

To all mothers, give yourself a break.It’s okay to take a break every now and again—source: Kids Activities Blog.


  • You were not made to be perfect; no one expects you to be!
  • Take some time off to clear your mind, do things that bring you joy
  • It’s okay; you’re okay right where you are.


It’s been a long day. Every day is. You have no recollection of the date as all have been morphed into one. You have weeks of laundry to catch up on. The living room floor is like a world war zone with pieces of lego scattered on the floor. Your little one just started talking, and now though you won’t openly admit it, you kind of wish they’d stop talking. 

You’re not sure when you last showered…or pooped alone! Privacy sounds like a foreign word now; is it even English? It’s almost 5 PM, and the chicken is still in the freezer, guess it’s dino nuggets for the 3rd time this week. Pangs of guilt stab your heart at the mere thought, so you push yourself with nothing but three shots of espresso to fix a ‘healthier dinner’.

Occasionally you ask yourself when was the last time you did anything for yourself. Just as the thought slides into your mind, you are stuck in the relentless clutch of mom guilt. Isn’t motherhood the greatest joy of life? You ask yourself how you could even dare think of such a thing!

Dear mama, we are here to tell you that when you’re tired, and it’s okay to take a break. We know you feel guilty, but there is nothing selfish about taking a bit of ‘me-time’ to invigorate yourself. That there is absolutely nothing wrong with taking an hour-long bath with some soft music playing, going on dates with your friends and indulging in your guilty pleasures. 

Just as you are a mom, you’re also a different entity with a name other than ‘mom’. Remember, you cannot give what you do not have. Here are some ways to relax your mind and renew your spirit so you can show love to those you adore! 


1/ Plan a date night – just the two of you!

Mama Pokok.Asia

Share an intimate moment with your partner, visit your favourite restaurant. Sources: Long Island Press.

No, we don’t mean a trip to the corner street ABC Mamak or Mcdonald’s. We also don’t mean that you should be calling the nanny every 15 seconds. It’s a big ask, we know, but many couples struggle to find their identity after childbirth. You may even find yourself forgetting who you were before you became your child’s mother. 

Take some time off with papa and go to that spot you used to visit all the time, think of yourselves as teenagers, and explore worlds that had long gone dim. Go for a sunset drive, dance under the stars, spend the night away at your favourite hotel, drink as much tequila as you can. You and papa have worked hard; you deserve this much!

2/ Overindulge – lockdown calories don’t count!

Mama Pokok.Asia

Eat up, dear mama. You need all the strength you can get! Source: My Fitness Pal.

Dear mama, we know you have been eyeing that cake all week. We also know that you have secretly been snacking on chocolate bars in the toilet. It’s okay. We understand. You do not have to feel guilty for not eating kale all the time. 

We’re living in a ‘seeing is believing world’ where what you post on social media becomes the truth. We know how discouraging it can be, especially when you are looking at these “perfect bodies” on Instagram and following trends like #hotgirlsummer, but you have to know that every body is perfect. Yes, it’s cool that Stacy from Instagram lost 12 kgs two hours after giving birth but give yourself a break, mama. You birthed a whole human being! Think about that! 

So don’t sweat it; treat yourself to some delectable goodies. Give yourself some serotonin boost with a good old pint of ice cream!


3/ It’s okay to lose your temper.

Mama Pokok.Asia

Losing your temper doesn’t make you a bad mom. It makes you human. Source: Kveller

It’s no secret that being a mother requires all the patience in the world. Sometimes you might look at your ‘bundle of joy’ and wonder if jail is all that bad. 

Let’s all agree on one thing, we love them in ways words can never fully express, but there are times when you might find yourself losing your temper and raising your voice. Sometimes your ‘no’ might sound louder and meaner than you intended, but you have to remember that it’s normal. 

People normally demonise negative emotions because they do not fully understand them, but that anger outburst mama means that you should resolve something. You are tired, sleep-deprived and hungry. Maybe you just got tired of telling your 3-year-old they can’t have gummies for dinner. Perhaps they accidentally broke a family heirloom, and you may have shouted at them. Maybe you missed your morning caffeine boost.

The reasons are endless. Anger is just as important as joy. Stop feeling guilty when you feel normal human emotions; you are not a robot. It’s your brain telling you to take it easy, take a hot bath, chamomile tea or read a book. Anything that will make you feel better. 


4/ You do not have to be perfect.

Mama Pokok.AsiaYour children expect love and joy, not perfection—source: Pexels

Shocking, isn’t it? 

Sometimes you might find yourself trapped in an endless cycle of wanting to be the best in everything you do. External factors might contribute in the form of criticism. One of the worst things to deal with is unrealistic standards from those around you. People forget that mothers are humans too and expect them to be superheroes with god-like power, patience and stamina. 

Stop following Shelly’s advice on Facebook and do what you can. Do what is best for you. Something that suits you and your ideals. If you can easily achieve the expected level of perfection without burning yourself out, then congratulations, but if you are struggling even to do simple things, it’s okay. 

If you find yourself questioning your role as a mother and constantly worrying that you will traumatise your children, remember this; you are the whole world to them. They want a happy mom, not a perfect mom. A million beautiful smiles over perfect Bentos. They want you, not the one labelled as ‘ideal’, you are their ideal version of a mom, right where you are. 


Dear Mama,


This is an ode to all mothers. Mothers who have suffered from toxic expectations and are struggling to keep their heads up. Mothers who are trying to be their best versions but are feeling it’s not enough. Mothers who just want to be seen in their bare forms, those who are tired of pulling up a facade. We see you, we hear you. Don’t be hard on yourself; you deserve all good things in life. Keep your chin up. You’re alright!

Share with us how you manage daily motherhood stress and ways you pamper yourself in the comment section below. We can’t wait to hear from you! 


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