It hurts, but at least we know the truth. Source: thetalkingsolution
- Think before you act
- Don’t hurt the children
- Seek an explanation
- Share your thoughts
Feelings of love can and do fade. When you fall in love, you lose yourself in the process, and for some, they lose far more than they bargained for: broken trust, despair, trauma from either mental or physical abuse and much more.
And that is true with intimate relationships where a great degree of trust and effort has already been invested into.
We start to question our reality, and even worse, we begin to have trust issues with others. But the immediate feeling of being crushed and betrayed is terrible enough that there are those who said that it is better to stop living.
But we continue to live, and for the strong, they will stand up, pick up the pieces of their ruined life and make it anew. Sometimes, the process of healing may require us to accept our cheating spouse for who they are, and to forgive them when they make mistakes.
If you identify with these words, then wipe the tears from your eyes and keep on reading.
1/ A moment of reflection
The worst time to make a decision is when you are angry. Source: spiritofadventure
With the rage running in your veins like fire, you may find the idea of kicking your spouse out of the house very appealing. Either that or you want to pack your bags and migrate to Siberia. The truth is, you need more time to think this over.
What gave you the idea that your spouse was cheating in the first place? Maybe the man you saw her with was a relative? Maybe your husband was having dinner with a business associate?
Some scenarios present uncertainties, and these need to be addressed to give justice to all the parties concerned.
Instead of screaming at your spouse, it is best to keep a distance from him or her until your temper has subsided, allowing rational thoughts to take place.
Creating enmity early into the scandal will complicate the divorce process, which is not much fun, considering all the effort required to be present in court and the costly legal fees.
Cultivate an environment where an amicable separation is possible, assuming of course you are interested in a divorce. Most importantly, think about the children and how the argument will affect them.
2/ Revenge on the children
Hurting the children won’t solve your problems. Source: virginia
You are going through a particularly tough period of your life. And it doesn’t help that the children are demanding, antsy or doing whatever menace they are supposed to do.
Then there comes the snap! We completely understand, but we were children once, so let’s be patient. But what if your daughter looks like a younger version of your wife? They also happen to be chummy together. Not cool, mate! Not cool at all!
Children, especially, are very vulnerable, making suitable targets since they are dependent on us. When we mentioned revenge, it could be physical or psychological. We hurt them even when we aren’t beating them, like ignoring their welfare or not caring if they perform well in school.
As humans, we are emotional beings, and we do emotional things. So how do we stop ourselves from hurting them? The first and most important step is to recognise that our hatred is actually towards our spouse and not the children.
This recognition should give us pause. Take this moment to breathe deeply, and as they say, avoid taking any action when we are angry. Once you have calmed down considerably, only will you discover how unreasonable that action could have been.
3/ Explanation for cheating
Gather more information, and for the love of god, don’t judge, at least not yet. Source: TERO VESALAINEN/ISTOCK
It’s time to address the elephant in the room. Maintain your calm when asking your spouse about the supposed cheating that he or she has committed. Any anger on your part will make your spouse defensive, leading this talk to a dead end.
If you already have proof of the cheating, don’t reveal it just yet. Just tell your partner you suspect he or she is cheating and leave it at that. This gives room for them to either admit or deny the affair.
If he or she admits to the behaviour, let your spouse keep talking and reveal as much as possible before offering your evidence. This way, you might get more information than you possess.
During the talk, leave out any ambiguous communication and stop beating around the bush as this may create confusion. Be direct but diplomatic.
Limit your discussion to around two hours because it is highly unlikely that this can be resolved in a single conversation. Also, too much talking will cause exhaustion, which may blow out into a bitter fight.
Examine the explanation and determine its plausibility, then decide on your next course of action. As we have counselled above, always maintain a cool head as your next step shall have a huge impact on your family.
4/ Talk to someone
It is important to have a sympathetic ear during times of hardship. Source: bushnell
Alright, you’ve done all the talking you need to do with your spouse. Now is the moment to gather your besties and cry on their shoulders.
Having someone else to talk to is important because it relieves the emotional pressure within your chest.
But that is not the only benefit. Your cheating spouse might go to town, wagging his or her tongue and telling everyone within listening distance about you being the biggest jerk.
It is normal for the cheating party to try to absolve themselves of blame. Having someone to hear your side of the story is important to exonerate yourself as well as to maintain your reputation.
Also, if the emotional pain is too much to bear, consider getting professional help instead of just conversing with your trusted but unqualified friends. A therapist should be able to sort your mind out for you.
Every problem has its roots
It is easy for us to feel hurt and blame everything on our cheating spouse. But sometimes, cheaters cheat when they fall out of love or if there is an unresolved issue.
This thought alone should make us think twice before exploding on our loved ones.
Marriage is after all a work in progress and we are both responsible towards maintaining it. Happily ever after is not as easy as it is portrayed in Disney movies.
Have you ever experienced such a terrible tragedy as a cheating spouse? What would you do if you ever caught them cheating? Tell us about it in the comments.