Trust me, it’s all worth it for opening up. Source: Shutterstock
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Start it as early as possible in a relationship
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Be open about your fantasies
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Learn what they like about sex
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Discuss with the professionals
Having your lover by your side to talk about all the what-ifs and dreams is so much fun! But when it comes to sex… it’s not an easy discussion, especially for Asians like me! We get shy too!
Our culture is such. My parents never broached the subject of adulthood with me. Never mind about that. Even schools avoid topics on ‘sex’. Why is it such a taboo?
It is undeniable that having sex with your partner is an intimate act. Yet, talking about it from a conservative background is way tougher than we think. Besides, initiating these topics also shows the vulnerable side of ourselves to our loved ones.
There are so many benefits to openly talking about sex with your partner. You get to know each other’s likes, dislikes, habits, and preferences! You don’t want to end up hitting the wrong spot, no?
Wondering how to kick start this conversation with your other half? Worry not, read along as I have compiled a few tricks to talk sex with your boo.
1/ Start it as early as possible in a relationship
Novelty could lead us to exciting conversations. Source: Getty Image
When you consider talking sex with your companion, you recognize your own desires and areas where you are unsatisfied. This actually helps you clarify your thoughts and find out the problems as well as what you would say to address them!
Believe it or not, the longer you put off discussing your sexual preferences, the harder it will be to maintain a relationship. Couples who have been together for quite some time may find it hard to start this topic. However, they can still initiate this topic by sharing their ideas and experience about sex. This actually helps your boo know what your ‘relationship’ with sex might be and share their thoughts too.
As you begin sharing opinions on how important sex is and how often they want it, you may gradually move onto more vulnerable topics such as your consent and what doesn’t make you feel good. And that is how a good communication on sex should be. Take one step at a time.
2/ Be open about your fantasies
Nothing would be good if you’re too vague! Source: Mahrael Boutros
As quoted by Oliver Gaspirtz, “You only live once, so enjoy the ride”. So, why not be transparent about your fantasies with your beloved one? Don’t doubt yourself! Your romantic fantasies could spice things up and reignite a spark in the relationship.
It is always a good way to address the things you’d like to do differently by being gentle and sensitive with your words. Positive phrases, in my opinion, are highly encouraged while addressing your fantasies as they will help your partner improvise and set the bed on fire. (If you know what I mean)
Use words like ‘I really like…, I’d like it if we spend a little more doing…’ to boost their confidence. Avoid terms like ‘We never do…, I want you to…’ The last thing you want to do is offend or hurt them. Be considerate.
After all, you can’t force or change them into something they’re not, just to satisfy your needs, right? Hence, be gentle with your words and always remember, it’s a two-way street, buddy!
3/ Learn what they like about sex
Hon, could you tell me more about your vanilla fantasies? Source: cottonbro
Let’s put ourselves in their shoes when addressing our desires. If you don’t pay attention, how would you possibly know their expectations, desires, and dislikes in bed?
Little did you know, talking about sex isn’t just about your sexual preference and comfort level. Given the nature of bosom sex, we should know what makes our partner feel loved and appreciated. When they begin talking about their sentiments, simply ask them to tell you more. This will encourage them to express themselves more freely.
In the long run, identifying and understanding their needs and turn-offs could help the two of you build a solid and happy relationship for both of you.
4/ Discuss with the professionals
As improbable as it may seem, this could be the life-straw of the relationship. Source: cottonbro
Sometimes you or your partner may face difficulties in maintaining a fulfilling sex life, and that’s okay. That is why professionals such as sex therapists exist! When I first heard about sex therapists, I misunderstood that we may have to be hands-on during the therapy.
In fact, sex therapy is actually a form of talk therapy for individuals or partners to address their sexual issues. There’s nothing to be shy about. Every couple encounters different problems, so communicating with a professional sex therapist could help you solve some of these issues.
Just like the famous Netflix series Sex Education, couples get to address their concerns such as sexual dysfunction in a supportive and educational environment. If you’re looking for one, feel free to visit the International Psychological Centre for more information.
Communication is Key!
I don’t know about you, but I strongly agree that communication is the lifeline of any relationship! Being able to talk openly about your feelings in bed with your partner would kill the confusion and bring clarity to a happier relationship. Communicate with your boo, and you’ll see the magic.
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